So, as many (all) of you know I'm Catholic and also human. And as a Catholic human, I sin. And also as a Catholic human, I go to Confession. I try to go regularly because, well, I need it... and it's good for the soul. Get some healing.. in my mind it's like setting a broken bone straight again. Sometimes you need to reset it a few times before it takes. But Christ is patient with me, so that's always a good thing.
Anyway... So the other day I moseyed myself over to confession and stood in line. The line was long (extra time to think about all the times I didn't love Jesus in the past month) but I figured better to have people sin and confess than sin and not confess. After examining my conscience I grabbed my rosary bracelet and began to pray (it's hard to stay focused in line man... Mary helps.)
In front of me in line was an older gentleman who every few minutes would whisper "Jesus." Nothing really stood out there; he was old, and sometimes older people don't know a quiet whisper from a loud one.
He went to confession (sound proof... no worries there) and then came out. He knelt down before the tabernacle close by the confession lines and began his penance. He started with an Our Father. It was a labored and loud whisper and at a slower pace that made me question my lightning Rosary speed I had adopted. Then he moved to a Hail Mary, but before he named his intention
"Thank you for courage for confession
and I pray for those who do not have the courage to go.
...Hail Mary.."
My prayer was silenced. How many years had this man been faithfully going to confession? How many times had the name of Jesus passed over his lips in desperation, joy, in confusion or hope? How many ways has this man's brokenness been healed? But even more importantly, how many people have been to confession because of his prayers for those who do not have courage?
Confession is hard. It's awkward, and humbling. But this man's loudly whispered prayer is a witness to the faithfulness that Christ has in the Sacrament. This man lovingly named his savior in preparation of receiving the grace and mercy of Jesus only to then pray for others to come and receive what he had experienced. It's a reminder to me that I need to constantly pray for and bring others to Christ.
Lord, thank you for giving me the courage to go to confession.
Lord, help me to bring others to you in the sacraments, and pray that others may find the courage to seek your healing mercy.
Sometimes blogging is scary - what should I say, will it be right, and will anyone read it? If I only have a few things to say, is it even worth writing? Well - I decided to get over the fear of perfecitonist-blogging - so here are my two thoughts from this weekend...
Thought 1 - Thoughtful acquaintances bring kindness up a notch... here's
the story - Aaron and I went to the (only) local Catholic book store to
pick up a few things for him to take to Haiti for the mission trip. The
store is owned by his friends parents and as he was checking out - I
was browsing the books. I saw a book that was recommended to me - "33-days to Morning Glory - A Do-it-yourself retreat preparation for marian consecration"
by Fr. Michael E Gaitley. I've been inching through another book of his
and made a comment about the one I saw in the story. Now the Store
owner (who I've only met briefly two or three times) pulled out from
behind the counter a gently used one that someone had brought back. She
said "here, If you want to read it, you take this one" "Are you sure?"
"Of course - it's used but I would love you to have it."
So - now I have my own copy - and am super excited... see...
so in a nutshell - Mrs. Dart never needed to give me the book - she could have said I have a discounted one you can buy, or even just say noting.. but she was kind, for no reason.. makes me wonder how thoughtful I am to those who I kinda know, the acquaintances I only see once in a blue moon. Do I remember key parts of their life? Do I go out of my way to be thoughtful and kind? Well - thanks for the inspiration Mrs. Dart - Challenge accepted!
Thought 2 - Today I am thankful that I could sleep in and do Yoga. The story- For the past two months Aaron and I have been going to the 9am Mass, and then to a class afterward through the Church. The last class was last week... So this week naturally is sleep in for Mass day. It's simple, but it was nice to wake up early anyway (darn you work sleep patterns that bleed into my weekend!) and have some time to relax, and do some low cost yoga via iPhone app. It's simple - but still a great way to start my Sunday. BONUS thought 3 - Princess Christine Center comes to see me tomorrow - I'm BEYOND excited!
When I was younger I remember dreaming of a handsome catholic man who was eager to defend my dignity, who desired to know Christ more, and who was willing to commit his life completely and faithfully to me in marriage. I always figured that since marriage was my God given vocation, once I found that handsome young man I would be all set. Everything would fall into place: my life would be perfect. Fast forward to 2014. I have found a handsome man (Aaron) who is catholic, defends my dignity, loves Christ, and (jackpot!) even is willing to commit himself to me in the sacrament of marriage this upcoming August. So, how's my life? Far from perfect. After our engagement I kept waiting for the bumps in my life to smooth out. It was a shock at first when it didn't instantly happen. I kept thinking, 'this isn't what happens in the movies when the couple declares their love for each other. Where is the montage of smiles and cute moments? The cheesy music? The pan out to a sunset in the background? Why am I still stress out, why is work still hard, and why isn't my relationship perfect?' Then I realize, my life isn't a movie. Having a fiancé doesn't fix everything, just like having a boyfriend won't magically make your life perfect. And a wedding won't give a rocky relationship a 180degree turn. Ladies, I'm speaking to you, mostly because that's what it know. We need to stop putting our hopes and dreams of a perfect life in a guy because well, we will always be let down. I love my fiancé with all my heart- but my relationship isn't perfect- how could it be? It's made up of two sinners. The entire relationship has tested my selflessness, my patience, my humility, the list can go on and on. We fight, we forgive, we grow, and all together work on loving as Christ loves. And yes, Aaron is there to help get me to heaven; for this I am eternally grateful (literally). However, the main effort needs to be coming from me, from my hearts desire for Christ and his love. It is by working on that heavenly relationship that we all can find the peace that we long for. Our lives will never be perfect, sin will always be there to tease, tempt, and take us away from God. But know that Christ is always here with us giving us the most complete love we can experience. Let's put our trust and hope in that love. His perfect love, because being a child of God is our first vocation in life.
Have you been to the March for life? I have.In fact, I’ve been going (almost) every year
since I was 14. And out of those 10 years, I’ve only missed one March for Life. I went with my dad as a chaperone in high
school all 4 years. I helped plan my college trips (all but one) as a member of
the pro-life group. And even after college, I started bringing the teens I was
in charge of down to the March for Life.It was my favorite activity as a teen, one of the best parts of the
college group, and my favorite outing to plan as a youth minister. (I’m crazy,
I know) ((side-note that is also where I met my now-fiance for the first time!))
Each year I was inspired, seeing so many people from
different states, denominations, walks of life, and ages. I loved to join in
the songs and chants and prayers of my fellow marchers. We would play the game ‘guess
which order’ with all the nuns walking around. Each trip brought tears of
sadness over the culture of death; but tears of joy and hope reminded me that
the fight is not over. It would be cold, stressful, engaging, and prayerful.
But in the end, I would come back from the trip with 2 things: 1. a sore throat
from the cold/singing/yelling and 2. A stronger resolve to witness to life.
Now I have a ‘real job’ as some would call it. (But since
youth ministry is a real job, I’ll call mine a ‘traditional job’) And I can’t
take 2 days off mid week to stand for something that I have been passionate
about since 5th grade. To be honest – I was super bummed.
I am now a core member at a different parish, and my fellow
core members all asked if I was going on the trip. I sighed, shook my head and
say “No” in disappointment.
I want to go. And part of me feels like I need to go. How
else will I get my yearly booster shot of crazy-prolife-ness? Without that all
night rally, how will I be able to have my pro-life holy hour? How will people know I’m pro-life if I don’t
stand with the other hundreds of thousands of people?
The answer is simple. Others will know because of how I live
my life. The March for Life may give national exposure to the pro-life movement.
But how we live and interact each day is how we truly will change hearts, which
is how eventually we can change laws, but more importantly save lives and heal
the hurting.
So, if there are others out there like me who won’t be marching
– don’t be discouraged. Christ calls not just the marchers, but all of us. He wants
us to live with a zealous desire to love each person because of the person they
are, not what they can do. He asks us to pray each day for those who are
contemplating abortion. He needs us to treat the elderly with dignity. We are
the ones who witness, not just one day, but EACH day.
The day of the March my heart, thoughts, and prayers will be
with the Marchers in DC and those whose hearts may change. My news feed will be
full of #WhyWeMarch posts with pictures and stories. And while the March for
Life event is only one day – we truly need to march for life each day.So, for all of us who won’t be at the March
for Life, let’s hold down the forts at home, in our schools, and at our jobs. Jesus
asks us to live with love and give others dignity each day, and that should be
#WhyWeMarch each day.
I am no good at fasting. There I said it. I like food, I like to be comfortable, I don't mind going with out food if the situation calls for it, but fasting was always hard. It's hard to go to bed on a lenten Thursday, knowing that Friday I can't have chicken nuggets. But if in the course of the day I happen to not eat meat I don't really bat an eye. So the Pope asked us to fast today - see look at this.
So humble and so holy, but seriously Papa? It's a Saturday. Can't I just wait until I have a busy day where I happen to only have time for one meal and call it good? Well, when I start to justify my lazy faith life, my guardian angel or catholic guilt voice (not sure which on yet) starts to chime in. "It's inconvenient and annoying to fast today? It's probably inconvenient for a civil war too. You are complaining that you won't get to eat meat... Good thing it's not something important like your home got destroyed because then I wouldn't hear the end of it. You don't really feel like praying? Hm, I'm sure the persecuted Christians of the world respect your decision." ok - the snarkieness makes me think it's my Catholic guilt voice. I'm also hearing this in my head (As my stomach begins to rumble) "It's going to be hard - your right, and that is ok. Not only can you handle it, but fasting and praying isn't worthless, but is a beautiful sacrifice to God. Yeah, sometimes I don't get it either, but you know that it is important. You'll be hungry, suck it up. you won't want to devote extra time to pray - do it anyway. Because the world isn't all about you, and when you realize that, is when you can start making a difference for other people." This one I think is my guardian angel, perhaps with a bit o' Mother Mary sneaking in there. So - carry on Catholic brothers and sisters. enjoy your fasting Saturday, because it is good for us to do this, and it is good for us to do this together.
Edit: before you read the blog - open this link in a new tab and listen while you read. I went to an event where there was praise and adoration the day I wrote this blog and was reminded of how this song fits so well. Enjoy! One Thing Remains
Transition. Change. Moving Parts. All of these types of things lead me to being unsettled and anxious. I'm at a odd summer in my life, one where my mom asks me every few days, "So where are you staying tonight?" Disclaimer: I'm not homeless, just in between different temporary living situations so with all this moving it's hard to keep things straight.
But even with all of this transition, learning new roads and figuring out where the Walmart is, there has been a solid foundation and refuge for me - St. Matt's Adoration chapel. In the most up in the air times - I know He is there wanting to give me comfort. The schedules are filling up more and more, but I know that every Tuesday, Aaron and I will kneel before our Lord to thank him, ask for grace, and simply BE with Him for a while. My life has never really been too consistent. It was always just me checking off my tasks in no particular order or rhythm. I went to Mass every Sunday and would make time to pray, however my prayers would mostly be impromptu and random. But in my unevenness and ad-hoc faith life, Christ's constancy is beautiful. It's something I learned as a sophomore in high school - God's love is unchanging. And it is a lesson I continue to learn more and more. This new found stability in adoration is a beautiful thing. And I encourage you to take time each week or month and make it YOUR prayer time. Keep it, even if it's hard, even if you rearrange your schedule. It's worth it because with the constancy come a deeper understanding and relationship. I am just at the tip of the iceberg for the graces that will come. Lord help me be open to all the ways you desire to love me. praying for you all.
Have you heard this song by Matt Hires? It’s stinkin catchy
– like listen on repeat catchy. It makes me want to dance around in a converted
barn filled with Pinterest-esque do it yourself décor and Christmas lights
hanging from the ceilings.
But in all seriousness, after about the 5th time
I listened to it in a row, I began to think about the words I was singing, and
I realized, hey – there are a few GREAT lessons in this song! So, here are 3.
Emotional chastity…
It doesn’t
take a genius to see that people are “falling in love” way too easily. Just
think about how many teenage girls are brought to tears when a teen icon or boy
band (Is 1D still popular?) gets on
stage. And why is this – because mentally and emotionally they have connected
themselves to a person they don’t even know!
But a real danger in emotional
chastity is when we connect emotionally to people around us in a way that gives
them control over us. That usually ends with us being hurt, even if there were
no physical lines crossed.
Lyrics like “I know that it’s all
just a game” and “I won’t let this fire start” show that Matt Hires recognizes
this. He doesn’t jump into emotionally attaching himself to this girl even
though he is attracted to her because he sees the potential for heart break. Entertaining
the idea isn’t an option. In fact, he flat out denies it proclaiming “You’re
not going to get it from me!”
Ladies and
gents– let’s take a lesson from this. Emotional chastity is important and
matters! Don’t look for something or entertain ideas that aren’t healthy. We
can see a bad idea most of the time, but we enjoy the game of entertaining it.
Let’s allow our heads/brains/logic protect our heart.
Matthew 7:6 reads “Do not give what is holy to dogs, or throw your pearls before
swine, lest they trample them underfoot, and turn and tear you to pieces.” We
are not obligated to give everything to a person just because they desire it.
Ladies, a man must earn your heart; don’t give it to the first guy who asks.
And gentlemen, find the girl whose heart is worth earning; not the girl that
will just give it away.
Long term goals for
love
This guy
gets it. He really does! First he sees that this girl is a bad idea, so he
distances himself before he gets hurt (emotional chastity people!). Then he
drops a zinger on the purpose of dating:
Everyone's looking for love
Looking for something to hold onto
Oh I've been looking for 25 years
and I know I won't find it in you.
He’s been waiting, but decided that being patient and
waiting for the real thing would be better than entering into a fling. It makes
sense right, why be in a relationship if you know it’s not going to work (or if
it is currently not working?) The value of your heart and your love, is way
more than the fleeting excitement of a fling.
You may be thinking “So, just don’t date, and keep my heart closed
off to everything that could hurt me?”
Of course not! Just go about cautiously and think through things – because YOU ARE WORTH
IT. Be sure you understand the reasons you are entering the relationship and the reason they are too. (note that “because it feels
good” probably isn’t the best reason to love someone.”) When the right person
comes along you want to be ready for them, not stuck dealing with past relationship
scars and emotional pains.
The cure for
restlessness
The line “no you’re not going to
get it from me” could have a double meaning here. It could be as mentioned
above that he is keeping his heart safe from the girl who could break it. Or,
he’s dropping more wisdom.
The full
line is “You say love is all that you need, well you’re not goin to get it from
me.” And that is so true – seriously people, listen up, our boyfriends or girlfriends, and even future husbands and wives (one day potentially) will not give
complete and total peace to our restless hearts. That is the job of God our Father,
Christ the son, and the Holy Spirit. The relationship we have and the faith we hold
in our triune God will give peace to our restless hearts, not any boy/girl,
fleeting relationship, or flirtation with danger.
We have all read, heard, or seen on a prayer card/church
calendar the following quote:
“Our hearts are restless until they rest in you” –St.
Augustine
Well, have we tried to rest in him? Have we tried to put our
hearts in his hand? Or are our restless hearts “beating out on our sleeves” ?
First and foremost this should be our goal – to strive to love
God, with our entire being: our emotional heart, our logical mind, and our vulnerable
and living soul. He is the only one who will give us a perfect love. And as we
enter more into that relationship, we will learn how to be better in our other relationships.
So next time you listen to this song, please sing it loud,
roll down the windows, and (if you aren’t driving) clap your hands or dashboard
drum. But also remember the lessons that we ALL need to be reminded…
1.Guard your heart emotionally from potential
bumps and bruises along the road of life – it’s not worth it!
2.Be patient and wait for the real thing! Again,
because anything less than love isn’t worth it, and real love will wait!
3.Remember to place your hearts not on your
sleeves, but let them rest in the love of the Trinity.
